kosong

Kosong. 

That's exactly how i felt last two days when I could not find Jr anywhere, twice.  

First, at home. He was playing by himself downstairs, outside at "smoking area". 

From morning he took out his toys and drinks, as pretend play picnic. He looked excited. I asked him to get inside but he refused. 

It was around 1pm and i need to get myself clean up before zuhur. So i went upstairs. I tot it was just a very little while, but later i couldn't hear his voice. No him and no scooter at sight. I immediately drove off as im pretty sure he's heading to playground. I was right. I found him right at the center of the road, with his scooter, almost near playground. It was breezy afternoon, we are lucky that not many cars passed by and he escaped harm. Alhamdulillaah.

Later i took him to my sister house. I thought it's better to engage him into some playtime with his cousins, or just to kill his boredom. While on the way there, he slept. He must be tired. Once we reached, he refused to come out. He looked sleepy. So i left him in the car for a while and i went in. 

Very short while later i came out to check on him. He was there in the car, looked sleepy.

I went in again and asked my niece to get ready to go out for drink.

Very short while later i came out again to check on him.
But this time he was not there. My car door open.

He was not there. Not anywhere nearby. Not at playground, not around. 

Few mins passed. I felt numb inside. 

I pray to Allah to protect him. No one can harm him, except by HIS will. I pray to Allah to protect him.

Kosong. Numb.

Laailaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzolimiin.

Almost 15 mins passed, we haven't found him.

Then i asked guards at entrance. He's spotted at another guard post. Another entrance.

I rushed to the place. But couldn't find any sight of a boy in green shirt & green short pant. He was not there. The guard said he was there shortly before but he already ran away to opposite side. 

Means cross the main road? Tho it's within the housing area, but i considered it's main road with double lanes and traffic light. And it is such a busy road. I crossed to the other side. There is a park with a playground, a lake and jogging trek. I cant imagine i have to look for him at such big area and what if i cant find him anytime soon? Something bad may happen? 

Laailaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzolimiin.

As soon as i parked my car, i heard motorcyle honks. I turned to opposite road, there i saw a boy in green, on the motorcycle with a guard. The guard waved at us.

Alhamdulillaah syukur. Alhamdulilaah syukur.

Soon after i got him into my arms again, i felt i started to breath again. 

Gasping for air. Tired.

And GUILTY.