I am sorry

i re-shared tis clip at FB wall, from Makmal Pembelajaran Autisma UKM

i watched, again and again. i like it.

it's another eye-opening for me. though i'm dealing with one everyday, but tis is so nice to learn.

I'm so sorry dear, sometimes mommy just ignorant.
But I love u so much, much more than u can ever imagine.

rongak

asyik tenggelam timbul je updates kat blog
and i'm less active at fb either
i guess i have more offline activity lately

Alhamdulillaah
for His blessings, time & opportunity
laid upon me

i am a student again
enrolled myself at quran class
there's a big room for improvement
iLike

i am a running mother
that's pretty normal
but i have yet to settle his schooling matters
iWorry

i am sick
my wisdom tooth going to retire
and by immediate chance, it shall be "laid off"
by today! huhu
iSuperNervous

see you soon!
(bak kata En Hwang, si kumbang baik hati)
;)

mabuk

oh my. i am in love again...not!

mabuk sebenarnya. mabuk drama korea. but only tis particular one.

war of the roses

oh no no. i'm not a k-pop fan. neva.

but i'm just amused (read: hooked) with tis one, currently.

lucky me, its show time is quite late at nite, 10.25

my baby Jr. goes to bed as early as 8.30, accompanied by Mr.

so i have my me-time with remote control ;)

note 1 : i like the second lead man. biasa lah, for me second is always better

note 2 : i think he is cute.

ahaks!

permisi

periuk nasi

i bought a new rice cooker
after...some months, since the last one retired
finally i made up my mind
okay i'm a bit choosy maybe
tot we could just settle with a small one
for our small family
but after a thoughtful thought (heh)
i chose that 1.8L (hamek kaww)
with some extra features, can bake cakes and breads (katanya)
kalau tak rajin-rajin jugak dunno lah

and so happened, today is budget day
but i never found interest in those thing actually
and since i'm unemployed, i am much more un-interested
good for them, good for those who benefits from tht

makin bertambah besar periuk nasi diorang

hello blog!

i took a long break

but i cant leave tis blog unattended for any longer
i suppose

see
here i am
now i am back

while i was away

hari raya was fine
i didnt really cook
it wasnt quite a feast
but we did celebrate
for His blessings

perhaps more short updates will coming up soon
i gotta leave now
to catch my current fav drama

?
oh. so the very makcik-makcik
*whateva*

tataa

vroom vroom

setelah seketika menyepi...

cun tak?

.

.

.

.

.

pastu bley feeling-feeling mcm ni tak?

awww

.

.

.

.

tak pun, feeling gagah perkasa mcm ni

Disclaimer : tak, i tak beli vespa...cuma usha aje. berkenan plak rasanya

Nota kaki : arini dah 24 Ramadhan, dah tak lama nak raya. amal kita so far mcmana? gred apa agak2 kita dapat? jomm...ambik peluang yg masih ada, tambahkan amalan kita. semoga di terimaNya dan diberi ganjaran taqwa.
vroom vroom...

param

i heard it once or twice from last year.

pasar ramadhan, shortened by its fans i suppose.

the other time i heard of "jadul".

any guess? .

.

.

"jaman dulu". by indonesians. i think they are more advanced with these crop-up terms.

few years back i heard of "met ultah" for first time. hoho, apekah?

.

.

selamat ulang tahun, rupanya. heh...and some others. (yes credits to Diah, my blogging buddy)



so back to Param. finally we survived a param today, at TTDI. oh my, big mistake. massive crowd! plus, ada plak shooting apa2 ntah i nmpk few familiar faces, adui.

we spent less than RM20, then we rushed out for fresh air.

adoii! i told Mr, thts our first and last visit for tis year. hopefully. we'll see



#mokcik dun enjoy crowd-ness la, mokcik fenin

sekadar gambar hiasan yg tidak berkaitan

kasih sayang

if you have an autistic child
how do you treat and teach him/her ?
do you treat and teach him/her as a normal child, or as a special one with special needs?

if you have an autistic child
how do you dream of his/her future?
will we have rainbows, day after day?
or do you (strive to see) a silver line behind the dark clouds

i love my son, nevertheless.
but sometimes
i'm just so torn
hurting myself
whenever i see me
failed to make him happy


Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan
(maybe it's a little too late)
Selamat Menjalani Ibadah

semoga kita sentiasa didalam redhaNya
di dalam kasih sayang Nya
Ameen

penang retreat

a revisit, last monday to wednesday. it seems tis year we frequent Penang more than three times so far...
Alhamdulillaah for His rezeki.
tho it were not really holiday but we are grateful nevertheless. tukar angin once a while.

tis time we stayed at mainland, Perai.
not so fun, (almost) no Halal restaurants available near the hotel. so we crossed to Island for dinner and Bukit Mertajam for lunch.
Mr attended his appointments at factory, me & Jr. mind our leisure business together

a must-shoot everytime we cross this bridge. tis time Jr dh pandai sebut "Shii" hehe

sepetang di Padang Kota Lama. a hyper happy kid & a bubble gun. 

hitam putih kehidupan

suka suka suka.

i heart my new layout. last nite about midnite, saje godek2 blog ni. 

i like changes, sometimes. good to refresh my mood.

here it is, my most minimal layout.

of hitam and putih. dan kelabu jgk.

our life is colorful, indeed.

black & white, also part of the colors.

have a good weekend uols...

salam

Iftitah

the other day during kuliah dhuha, Fiqh subject. it was about Solat and Ustaz mentioned about Dua'a Iftitah.

maybe some of us have overlooked to check our daily ibadah, he said he tested some kids to recite Iftitah and out of ten, more than half were wrong. tht common mistake is between "min al mushrikuun" and "min al muslimiin", it looked short and simple but actually it's so wrong, it caused a different meaning. of cos we dun want to pray to be among the Mushrik, rite?

and that triggered my alarm. yes we pray five times fard prayers everyday and hopefully some extras of sunnah, but have we checked our recitation during salat. i think the last time i checked mine was many years ago. and another reason it's very difficult for us to khusyuk in our salat because we dun understand the meaning. i'm referring to myself. so it's time for me to make good and perfecting (inshaAllaah) my salat. 

i'll start from tis entry. tis is mainly for my reference, yes ofcos i'm also happy to share.

Allaah is The Greatest. Praise and glory be to you O' Allaah, throughout the day and night. I turn my face to The One who creates the skies and earth, I surrender to Allaah and I am not from among the infidels. I fully devote my Salat, worship, my life and death only for Allaah, God of the universe. Truly, I am not from among the infidels. And such is my duty, and I am from among the Muslims.

meroyan

heh. just ignore the title. it's just not so apt.

these few days i kept myself occupied with house decorating. thehe. not really much. just trying out some "magical touch" (as if any) at some nook & corners. 

tis is my habit when Mr is not around, i mean when he's outstation.

i remember in our first year of marriage, he used to travel alot. in fact, on the day we came back from our short honeymoon, that very nite he flew off for almost 2 weeks. so naturally i grew a habit to kill my time.

i worked back then, but after office hours i found i had plenty of time to deal with. plus, i was alone. nobody to talk to, nobody to share foods. then i resort to gardening. kononnya. almost every day i made a point to drop by at plant nursery and looked for some new greens. pots berlambak-lambak. 

then my "passion" slowly withered when i pregnant some months later.

and Mr also slowly back into new working schedule. 

last few days, he went off again after many years. but tis time i'm here with a son, who claims most of my time. yet i had tis old habit sneaking. thehe.

my first project, i turned a small corner into a mini library. i bought tis cheap bookcase from ikea, for rm75 i didnt think twice. and it turns out perfect. perfect for its price and its space.

the next day i scout for bean bag, and found it at harvey's. it's not that cheap tho, so daku pejamkan mata sebelah. BUT, another "magic moment" happened when i entered furniture shop next door with NO PLAN NOR INTENTION to buy, but tht sinful nafs hit me again. I bought something again which i named it Pyramid Shelves with Hook. A total unplanned purchase that burnt my wallet.

So when i get back into my sanely mind again, i justifying myself of that purchase...okay, i take it as Anniversary Gift. buless? 

dah tu, tak cukup lagi. nafsu masih membuak-buak.

the following day, i paid a visit to ikea again. tis time with a solid intention, to buy ONLY ONE standing light. later i came back with a piece of printed cotton, and that standing light.

happy. i sewed the both ends of tht cotton and it become a "blind" for my mini library. as to blind off some ugly electrical boards. 

today i bought another two lights but the cheapest. at rm26 each, i bag two. plus, i got a small size bean bag for Jr. 

now i can take back mine.

happy. so when Mr is back just now in the evening, dengan bangga i showed him my "artworks"

half-amused, he smiled. 

i guess he's more concern of that "damage." haha

our Anniversary Gift, i whispered.

adjustment

mind you, i have more stories of my last Umrah, of Mecca in particular.
but i'll do it later. they are nice stories tho, but this little post will come out first.

okay.
we've done with our super low budget anniversary celebration
but it's not budget or prezzie that counts
we (me) have came across another learning curve afterall
love is not just about special date
love is much of unspoken "celebration"
but hey, of cos some little pleasant surprises do no harm *wink*

now back to our reality
our current strategy (waaah)

while me, The Desperate Mother is still in the big dark cloud about Jr. situation
i decided to snap an immediate countermeasure
NO TV for Jr.
at least, not on weekdays
plus, oh did i mentione i have terminate disney's package?
yes tht might helps
and by doing so, it also affected Mommy & Daddy
which is good, in fact it's very good.

one, while we substitute TV hours, we have more time for us
or individually us
Jr. is hardly adjusting with Mommy's new role, ie HomeTeacher plus "Mak Tiri"
i must say i am a bad teacher actually
i have very little patience when teaching him writing, now he's still struggling to hold pencil firmly
but i have lotsa lotsa love to share, tht's my biggest weakness

two, we (me) adopting my old love again, books
i missed reading books
i blame it on my unorganized routines, plus other distractions, tht is FB to name one
but tis week alone, i got for myself 3 new books. 1 fiction and 2 islamic knowledge.
plus today another 2 books for kuliah dhuha
so that makes 5. yayye!
and some activity books for Jr. (he really really needs to improve, O' Allaah please make it easy for him and me), plus 2 short stories book.

i hope tis new adjustment will make better for us.
oh btw, i'm still looking for school.
adooi.

sardine cinta

it's our anniversary again

yayye.
it's 7th year now...alhamdulillah

but we dun really celebrate
it's just another normal sunday
Mr had his golfing in the morning
me & Jr had our breakfast together at KD
after me settled an important task at Mesjid KD

then
right after the breakfast
Jr puked in the car
overloaded i guess
that's it
i drove back home, cleaned up the mess

afternoon Mr came back
i was out of mood to celebrate
little talk, little smile

Mr asked to dine out, but i refused
really not in the mood to celebrate
then i cooked sardine for dinner, can u believe?
and soup, and fried egg
hahaha..such a sweet dinner

as long as we know we care for each other
no lovey dovey love notes
no bling bling
no posh handbag

sardine cinta will do

i take some good time to count blessing
Alhamdulillah, syukur...

# p.s : i got a surprised present from my caring dear neighbor-fren
her moist choc cake saved our evening, afterall..
thank you buddy. jazakaAllaahu khairan

rejection

mode : dealing with another rejection.

tis morning we went to IMAS for appointment.
we supposed to meet tomorrow, friday but Mr is not working today so i decided to change date.
met the principal, then the counselor.

outcome.
not as good as i expected.
the principal half-agree to accept but under a special program, something like "business" or "vip" or such dunno lah because normal admission for next term school calendar has been closed. i'm not really bother.
then he referred us to counselor and english teacher.

that counselor is a nice lady. she seems understand our situation and Jr. condition. i supposed she's been through some cases like this. after that short discussion, she advised that school is not suitable for Jr.
.
.
.
but she offered to suggest other school that might doing good for him.
.
.
.
now i'm still waiting for her email.


maybe, it's time for me to change.
to change my expectation.

rasa nak terbang balik kesini, alone in the crowd

gugel

i have a post drafted in my mind as to follow my last entry, but i just learned something pretty interesting that caught my mind today.

i found a site, a blog about a mother who managed to teach her two kids memorize 30 surahs of Quran as early as 3 years old. Amazing!
Then i found her other link here.

now a little backward.
i was doing one of my favorite pastime, ie Gooogling.
i searched info about IMAS, a school i heard from a kuliah buddy tis morning. She mentioned about her son's school which she's pretty satisfied with.
i found IMAS website, International Modern Arabic School. I called them up for appointment. Fortunately i spoke to the principal, we shall meet up tis Friday.

And i also found tht mentioned blog . Cos she had mentioned about sending her two kids to that same school.

I hope tis appointment will be fruitful, i want to hear the good news.
I hope my project to introduce Quran to Jr, as inspired from that blog will start soon.
I hope Allaah will make easy for me & my family.
Ameen...

Labbaik Allaahumma Labbaik...

24 May, 2011

Around 2pm, we set off to Mecca by bus again. All ready in Ihram attire, most of us in whites.

I didnt prepare a specific white Ihram clothes from home, i planned to wear any of my jubah or abaya which is not white. But later i realised all my sisters ready with white clothes according to sunnah, then i decided to buy one at Medina. A simple white jubah.

It was hot sunny afternoon, as usual. My sister sat beside me fell asleep immediately. I cant help but feeling nervous through the whole long journey. So i read thru my guide book studiously. Tht was my first time to perform Umrah, i was pretty worry i might overlook some important points especially about Restrictions during Ihram.

Shortly later we reached Bir Ali Mosque for miqat. It's the nearest miqat point from Medina and the furthest point from Mecca (Medina direction). Jemaah from Medina will stop for miqat at Bir Ali mosque, located at Dhul Hulayfa.

We performed solat sunat tahayatul mesjid, solat sunat Ihram and niat (intent) to perform Umrah here.

It's a beautiful mosque but we couldnt spend long time here bcs we rushed to further our long journey to Mecca. We should reach Mecca before midnite otherwise it will be tiring to perform Umrah after late nite.

Before we set off from Bir Ali, our mutawwif again reminded about Ihram and its restrictions and lead us  to recite Niat Ihram for Umrah. Especially for ladies, for those in mense & before mense, in order to avoid problems in completing our Umrah, lest we have to pay Dam.

Anas said, describing how the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) entered ihram, said that he said:  

Labbayka Umratan la riya’a fiha wa la sum’ah  

[Here I am for Umrah in which there is no showing off or seeking reputation.] 

We then recite Talbiyyah throughout the journey, it is sunnah for us to recite Talbiyyah as often as possible until we perform Tawaf.

‘Here I am O Allaah, (in response to Your call), here I am. Here I am, You have no partner, here I am. Verily all praise, grace and sovereignty belong to You. You have no partner.’

Sebak sangat bila menyebut nyebut talbiyah ni, bila dihayati maknanya..

Dalam panas terik petang tu, hujan membasahi di dalam hati dan di pipi.

"Ya Allaah, terimalah daku hambaMu yang hina ini

terimalah daku dengan sebaik-baiknya

izinkan aku beribadah kepadaMu dengan tenang, dengan sempurna

ampunkan dosa-dosaku Ya Allaah, dan terimalah ibadahku"


We reached around 10pm, we stayed at Dar el Iman Hotel in Safa Tower. Alhamdulillah, again our stay was very close to Mesjid.  It's just about 40m away from King Abdul Aziz entrance.
Shortly after settled our luggage to the room, we made our way to Al-Haram to perform Umrah.
My very first Umrah.

SubhanaAllaah...upon seeing Baitullah before my eyes, i lost my words to describe.
There, my dream came true...
 I didnt bother to take any pic on that night. My mind was so pregnant with emotions.
Syukur Ya Allah, syukur...

shy-shy

before i move to next entry about my most marvelous experience in Mecca, i just want to share some personal notes about myself. about my new discovery.

re-title : of me & black veil.

i am a normal muslim. i am no better than you.

i started to wear tudung  when i was in standard 5, because i was the only free-hair prefect and one day during a school ceremony the headmaster asked me quietly (while handing over my prize)

"dalina bila nak pakai tudung?"

*gulp*

later that same day i request a tudung from my mom. but only for school.

then i was just another normal 11 years old girl with tudung at school. only at school. on some hot days, i took off my tudung once i stepped out of school gate. panas katanya. somemore my childhood hair used to be very very thick. very lebat. black & thick. bila pakai tudung tu memang menduga kesabaran dan keimanan yang tak berapa ada masa tu :)

i stayed in kampung. tudung is very common attire for girls as early as possible.

so i just continued with tudung since then, particularly at school.

i entered a boarding school at form 2. rules at school taught me something somehow. then tudung became my extended attire apart of normal clothes. i did not bother so much about "berdosa kalau buka aurat" bcs it's more of school culture, the norm. so i was in the flow.

somehow, tho i didnt really made efforts to understand about hukum menutup aurat, never came across my mind to let it go even after my schooling phase. maybe i was just used to it.

i am still used to it.

and i used to think, niqab is a higher decree and only being practiced by a higher level of devotees. i could never picture me as one of them. i recount myself as far behind.

but i always respect them in niqab especially those who live here, or any other place which Islam not being practiced dominantly. to me, they are courageous pretty souls.

during my last visit to Haramain, so i decided to try it out. I wanted to experience how it feels as the watching eyes behind the veil. my sisters and brothers found it funny. as the youngest sister in the family i'm used to exceptionally do something new, at worst they wud just laugh it out. nothing serious.

so i did try. one morning in Medina, after breakfast...me & sisters head to bazaar for some farewell shopping. we were pretty early, while waiting for our favorite shop to open we roamed around. then we stopped at a shop where i found my first niqab. my sister thought i was making joke when i try it on me, yeaah we laughed but then i bought it. and i put it on immediately.

my first impression : mashaAllaah...it's calming.

then i occasionally wear it. like when we went to shopping, it made me most comfortable. okay i'm not a pretty face that people would stare admiring my beauty but still, without that pretty face i feel very comfortable walking around the mall and people could never judge what lies behind the veil. maybe now i understand the beautiful feeling of niqabis.

this niqab also very practical for walking around under scorching hot & dry day. I coughed less, this veil works as filter and protect from dust.

yours truly in her first niqab, for first time. hence the sengetness, very much amateur ;)

i posted this pic on my FB wall on tht afternoon before we moved to Mecca. one of my frens thought i am now berpurdah...hehe. no no not yet. i am still far behind. but tis is a practical wear for tht circumstance.

later in Mecca, i bought another piece. that first one is a 3-piece type, suggesting 3 layers of cover. light, medium or full. the second purchase is more simple & convenient. it's done with a stretchable string, i can just put it on whenever i want even while i am walking.

then i posed. and posed. and posed. me & my new discovery.

noted that before this, i never posted my picture at any public networks. i pemalu *eheh heh heh*

really, bcs i'm not comfortable. i segan. shy-shy katanya.

that pics of me in niqab made me feel better. i posted at my fb wall, i use them as my profile pics.

tho i am still pemalu. *snickers*

one might ask : why dun u wear it here?

answer : naah..blum dpt greenlight ;)

perpisahan

24 May, di pagi yg hening selepas solat sunat Isyraq.

pagi terakhir di Masjid An-Nabawi

selepas solat fard zuhr, kami bersiap untuk meninggalkan Medina.

ziarah wada' mengucapkan salam perpisahan...amat sebak di dalam hati. 

sedih untuk berpisah dari kekasih, junjungan besar Rasulullah saw

semoga perpisahan ini cuma sementara

"Ya Allah, jangan Kau jadikan pertemuan ini sebagai pertemuan akhir ku disisi RasulMu,

dan mudahkan bagiku untuk kembali semula ke Haramain,

murahkan rezekiku, kurniakanlah keampunan dan kesihatanku,

kembalikanlah kami dengan sempurna dan sejahtera"

kalau Tuan mudik ke hulu,

carikan saya bunga kemboja,

begitu Tuan pergi dahulu,

nantikan saya di taman syurga...

what ya paying for (part2)

ada sequel la pulaakk...

i'm shocked. but it's pretty expected (as such?)
yesterday i received the email from the school. with Offer Letter & School Fees breakdown attached.

when i read thru their message,we are advised to enroll Jr. starting TOMORROW! that means TODAY!!!
hoh! are we that desperate? or, are they tht desperate?
i'm speechless.

later, its school fees breakdown. *cough cough*
yep i already had tht punch right at my heart on last friday meeting when they mentioned about the fees.
and again, i had tht same punch when i open that attachment.
i'm speechless again. (plus, i have no one around to listen to my grumbles)

actually i've been thinking about this deeply from the moment we step out from the school.
yes every normal parents want the best for their children, despite their children are normal or extra normal. they are all special. but not every parent able to give the same rate of BEST for them kids. my BEST might not as BEST as yours. and your BEST maybe much better than others.
even when Mr. tried to soothe my pain and reassures that we can afford to pay that handsome sum, but it still doesnt ease me down. tht issue keeps bothering me.

i always have this set of questions linger around my mind.
what if...when Mr is not around? tetiba dipanggil pulang kepadaNya..well who knows rite? when where or how? and i'll be single parenting and start my new life and start a job again or how? that always leave me with another punch of reality check. what will be my capability? how much could i support for his school fees? i know this might sounds selfish of me but i like to remind myself of any possibility.

yesterday when we talked about this matter again, i said;
i really cannot satisfy, they charge us triple than normal fees because Ummar is a special need.
if so, what can they guarantee?
of cos later on if our son cannot perform well, they will say..oh ur son is not normal. so u cannot expect his result same as normal student.
then i wud say, yes of cos i dun expect he performs same as normal student, but i want TRIPLE MORE BETTER than them. bcs we are paying triple more than normal.

such a disappointed mother, i am.
but the father just smiled. perhaps in similar pain.

today i check out tht attachment again. but i havent replied a word to them.
gosh! total is 27K. i'd rather pack our bag and make our way to beautiful Haram again for some sweet time.

cerita bergambar

Medina...part II

the next day at Medina, we had ziarah in group. Our mutawwif (ustaz Ali, from Indonesia) such a good person. He explained some short histories of places we visited. Also reminded us to avoid from being cheated by street sellers.

here are some pictures taken along the short morning visit. we were quite in rush bcos we need to get back before zuhr prayer. it's more important than shopping :)



Masjid Quba
[info of Masjid Quba as quoted from other website]: When the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emigrated to Medina, he first landed at Bani `Amr bin `Awf and stayed in Quba for three days. So the Prophet (PBUH) built a mosque there, hence the first mosque built in Medina. The distance from the Prophet`s Mosque to Quba Mosque (Masjid Qubaa) is 3.25 km
Narrated Ibn Umar,"Whoever purifies himself (take wudhu') in his house then comes to Masjid Quba' and prays in it has the reward like that of Umrah." (Al-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah)

Our next stop was Jabal Uhud.

I just read some good info about Martyrs of Uhud from tis site. it's good to refer. at the center of the yard, there's Sayyidina Hamza's grave, among others who martyred in the Battle of Uhud.
"God certainly fulfilled His promise to you when you were fighting the unbelievers, by His permission. Even after We showed you what you wanted, you began to lose courage, started quarreling with each other  and disobeyed God's order. Some of you want worldly gains and others of you want rewards in the Hereafter. Then He let you face defeat in order to test you. However, He forgave you. God is Gracious to the believers.(Believers remember) when you were fleeing without even glancing to either side even though the Messenger were calling you back, God made you suffer sorrow upon sorrow to make you forget your grief of what you had lost and the injuries you had suffered. God is Well-Aware of what you do"[Surah Al-Imran : 152-153]

Next stop was at Dates Farm for some shopping before we moved to Masjid Qiblatain. Then rushed back to hotel to get ready for Zuhr prayer at Masjid Nabawi.

May this ziarah benefits us for our knowledge and imaan. InshaAllaah...

wht ya paying for

i'm not really in mood for writing. so i will share some photos later in next entry.
tis morning we had appointment at Jr.'s primary school. for next year intake, i thought so.
but apparently their school calendar starts from September, that's 3 months away.
and, after short discussion they advised to enroll Jr. by next month, for preparation course bcs Jr. is far behind in writing and reading. *gulp*
that's 2 WEEKS AWAY!

honestly, i'm not ready. looking at their school fees structures, i know we are not ready to pay that "HANDSOME SUM" this soon.
how now?

so what are we paying for actually?
what do we want? what do we get in future?
Allaah Knows Best...wallahualam

It's a private Islamic School, basically runs for normal students from primary to secondary levels.
besides, they offer a Special Learning Unit (i assume a small unit) which responsible to provide special education for special needs students.

why do we (it's me actually) choose this school?
#1: i want an Islamic School, most preferably.
#2: they accept special need kids (which is very very rare to find)
#3: it's not so far from our place, it's in Subang.

but, i dun really like their setup and location. it's at shop lot units, without proper facility such field for instance.

then i wonder, what do i really want?

tomorrow i'll go around scout for other choices, if possible.

when life is not simple nor easy, that makes u more strong & special...reminds me.

a schoolboy soon. oh my how time flies

Medina

BismillahirRahmaanirRahiim..

In the Name of Allaah. The Most Gracious. The Most Merciful

This post has been drafted few days earlier. Then i have this same routines to attend, and let tis post being abandoned temporarily. I could just make it short and simple (and it is never a long one actually) but i decided, why rush? so here it is...

staying in Medina is indeed a special experience. especially for first timer like me.

tho it's just short stay of 3 days.

we surely don't want to miss every fard prayer at Masjid An Nabawi. The home of Rasulullah...

as quoted in hadis ;

Anas relates that the Prophet Muhammad SAW said : Prayer in my mosque is equal a thousand prayers (elsewhere)...

SubhanaAllah...who would resist?

in the morning, 22nd...after breakfast, we had program with group around the mosque.

they (mutawif & assistants) briefed some histories and showed us around.

there's strict regulations practiced here. entrances are separated for men & ladies.

we ladies not allowed to enter that entrance near Makam Rasululullah, so we can visit him from outside of the wall. and we are not allowed to say prayer in group. once our group stopped at near wall of Makam Rasululullah for briefing and du'a then the mosque staff shoosh-ed us away at once. for them worry that there might leads to bidaah ritual..i heard so. anyway...

we visited Makam Baqi' (from a distance) it's just a close compound next to the mosque.

then a female assistant (indonesian) took us ladies to Raudhah, in the mosque.

Nabawi is such a big big mosque so in order to Raudhah we need to take another entrance at the other corner, bcos we couldnt pass through from inside. it's blocked.

and that morning, we visited Raudhah for first time. everybody so eager and some look quite tensed of waiting. yes, we need to wait. we ladies are not allowed to enter Raudhah as free as men. they set time schedule for ladies which is quite limited. and they put us into groups, like..asian group, iran group, and such...and i'm quite impressed with mosque's female staffs. they can speak some simple bahasa melayu..

"ibu..ibu..sini sini..."

"ibu..ibu..duduk..duduk..."

# correction : actually tht sounds more like bahasa Indonesia

said the staff behind the black veil. i cant help but admire their veil, sometimes while waiting. :)

then, once they let us go in...we rushed in. berebut macam budak sekolah, exactly.

i have no choice but to brush up my surviving skill. those Persian like Iranian, Turks etc are pretty (yes, they are) strong and very very tough and stubborn. some would just ignore instructions and let down manners. so we malays comparatively smaller in size have to follow the flow, berebut macam budak sekolah too...

Raudhah

indeed a special spot in Nabawi.

"Apa yang berada di antara rumahku dan mimbarku adalah sebuah taman dari taman-taman syurga."

(Hadith riwayat Bukhari)

And another hadith mentions, if you pray in Raudhah it's almost same like you pray in Heaven.

(sorry i couldn't find the details)

Allah will answer and make our du'a come true...inshaAllaah..

so people (ladies) really like pushing up forth to find a space to pray here. and so i did.

Alhamdulillah i had the chance. Twice.

Pictures

As this mosque is very good maintained with its rules, we are not allowed to bring in camera or handphone camera. The women-guard dutifully check our bag at entrance. But i did take in few times until one day terkantoii and she asked me to leave. Opps. I turned to another door and hide it at "tempat rahsia". So it saved me for another few rounds ;)

why i (and others) need the camera? ofcos we want to capture pics of interior design of the mosque.

MashaAllaah..it's soooo nice. fine, elegant and calming...

i took some pics here but i couldnt bother to take pic in Raudhah. and nobody did ;)

so i bought some postcards (later in Mecca) of some special places in Haram (Medinah & Mecca) and they are much nicer.

more stories and pics of Medina in my next entry, inshaAllaah...

to be continued

cinta

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Day 2 (22 May - Sunday)

First Fajr prayer at Mesjid Nabawi.

MashaAllaah...i remember that special feeling when we step into the mosque for first time.

Upon entering the mosque.

My heart trembled with nervousness. Delighted, touched, and honored. I had mixed emotions.

It was so special..

I felt like going for first date.

But it was much more special than any date.

Because i was going to "meet" the most beloved man. Our Rasulullah..

many many times i asked myself, "is this for real? am i really one of his guest here at his mosque?"

i am nobody but a sinner.

i have wronged myself too much.

i have made mistakes, over and over and i am so guilty.

quietly, i cried.

that was very special feeling

that was indeed a special invitation.

i never knew before, how much i loved him

but being there among his other guests

it made me realised

i love him more than anyone i know

i fell in love again,

at Nabawi

by air and by land...

Day 1

we started off from home around 10 in the morning. Mr & Jr sent to airport.

earlier we took Jr to clinic for check up. it was infection at his eye, doc suggested. we took home some antibiotic which we were pretty sure he would not take it in.

at least there is medicine, if highly necessary. (more of me comforting myself)

Mr just dropped me off. after salam & bye-bye, i asked them to leave. i cant bear to watch them any longer at airport, while Jr. started to make scene. somehow, i know he could understand about me leaving. eventho without his words.

our flight scheduled at 3pm but with long Q at check-in counter, short briefing, etc...we had to rush for snack lunch and jamak qasar zuhur & asr prayer. we were done just in time.

....flew off we were, by malaysia airline.

8 hours direct flight was pretty tiring...

we reached Jeddah Terminal Hajj..around 6++ pm local time...

alhamdulillah immigration procedure was pretty smooth. we were told tht sometimes (on some bad days) jemaah had to wait for long hours to settle with immigration checks.

touch down - Jeddah

Jeddah - Hajj Terminal

then we further our journey to Medinah by bus which took another 4 hours.

tired. but upon reaching the hotel, that sight of Mesjid Nabawi liven up our spirit.

we stayed at Movenpick Hotel, just merely few steps away from the mosque gate.

alhamdulillah...

will write about the majestic mesjid nabawi in next entry...

(and i already missed to be there again, even while i was staying in Mekkah)

to be continued

perjalanan

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim...
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

i just transferred photos from my handphone and camera to this lappy.
perhaps it's more fun to write from now.
these last few days i'm nursing myself at home. did nothing much. the part time cleaner, fara was here last friday. Alhamdulillah...at least she settled some (major) cleaning task.

apart of nursing my cough, actually i'm dealing with separation sickness.
i miss Haram...
some days, when i woke up in the morning..i wish it is 3 o'clock in the hotel room and we rush to get ready for Fajr prayer at al Haram...
oh my..i cant wait to be back there again..
i really really hope, in my next trip...i'm going with these two men of mine.

i wanted to write about my Umrah. some details of this special journey of my own.
that might take few entries and i shall start with this one.
just a short intro perhaps.

Nite Before Leaving
my sweetheart intan payung musyuk masyam pengarang jantung...ditakdirkan Allah,
bengkak sebelah matanya...ketumbit eh namanya. lebih kurang lah
Astaghfirullah..ujian Allah swt...sgt berat dlm hati si ibu, bila tengok anak mcm tu
tapi hanya kepadaNya jua kita bermohon, semuga tabahkan hati untuk menunaikan hajat yang telah lama diidamkan, bermusafir menuju ke RumahNya dan semuga dapat beribadat dengan tenang dan sempurna. Semuga urusan keluarga disini dipermudahkan Allah dan didalam lindunganNya sentiasa...

malam tu asyik berkepit je dgn mommy...tidur nak peluk mommy

Maha Suci Allah...Dia Maha Mendengar du'a hamba-hambaNya...

Besoknya, saya berangkat bersama rombongan keluarga seperti yang dijadualkan...
Dan mata si anak surut pada hari kemudiannya...

to be continued

safely home

now i'm safely home, alhamdulillah
with piles of stories to tell
and abundance of emotions to share

but i think i better take some time for myself
sorting out some affairs
right here in my humble house
with my two dearest men

Love.

preparation

so finally i got myself a travel bag. a medium size. red color. love it.
(i am a red lover, i guess)
it was yesterday.

and today The Three Us went to some shopping outing, somehow i managed to convince Mr. to get some new shirts for him. After many many moons of postponing. Sangat susah nak suruh dia pegi pilih baju/seluar dia sendiri. Malas katanya. Some of his shirts dah berlobang. Malu. Tapi dia okay je pakai yang berlobang kat ketiak tu pegi keje. hehe

one thing that i most concern about leaving these One & A Half Men;
* pakaian - can he do laundry? doubt doubt doubt

so today i forced him to pick some new shirts, and underwear. ;)
and i bought some for Jr. too...
lega. at least for tht matter.

and i got two new pairs of socks. that's enough for me.
next...
hmm...what's next?

#p.s
we had some little surprises today;
i) morning - Jr. "accidentally" wash up his "business" by himself. alone. wah!
ii) while mommy belek-belek pilih his brief at kids department, he pointed to Ben10 box. Amboii..padahal kat rumah tak penah2 pun nak layan ben10 etc.

I think i shud be prepared to welcome a big boy in the house soon
=)

penang lagi...

May 12-13, 2011

if i'm not mistaken, it is our 4th trip to Penang tis year. betul ke?
anyway. most of the trips related to Mr's business matter, we tagged him along. saje ambik peluang unwind lah ala kadar. so it were all short trips, of one night stay. nothing much, basically some sight seeings and makan-makan do. the rest, we waited in hotel room while Mr. attending appointment.

but tis latest visit, i was not so happy absolutely due to some "kezzutan".
not related to me personally but indirectly it concerned our future business relation.
anyway.
few things to learn. especially when we deal with cha ya nun alif. they wud go beyond our standard business manner or procedures.

besides, my unhappiness was due to babysitting my big boy. sungguh mencabar la si hero ni. whenever his dad not around, dia sangat2 free making problems and scenes anywhere anytime. Mommy dah jadi immune dengan babak-babak tebalkan muka di khalayak ramai, dah terlampau tebal agaknya. *geleng-geleng*

Layan gambar lah saje.



# footnote :
agak keciwa kerana tis time tak sempat nak layan Rojak berlatarbelakang lagu hindustan di gurney drive.

a week

it's saturday
and it's a week away until my first journey of Umrah
nervous. excited

checklist:
vaccine injection - done
short course - done
clothing - almost
travel bag - not yet
mind - loading
heart - preparing

i'm gonna leave these One & A Half Men behind
i'm gonna miss them pretty much soon
but my heart so longed for visiting His Baitullah Al Haram
i pray everything goes smooth and fine
and may this journey make me a better one
InshaAllah

sederhana

few things now i've learned after...wait let me count
(i was officially out of office job from december 2008)
let say, it's about 29 months now. if i were deliver a baby, she/he maybe started babbling some funny language already.
so am i. few things i discovered and so grateful to Him (no other than Him) for this beautiful piece of lessons.

Money.
It seems we appreciate it more and most when we are lacking of it.
I spent it more and unnecessarily when i was holding my salary job. Little surprise. I used to spend and spend and spend, bcos i know by end of the day or month, there's another supply topping up my account. But little did i appreciate. And on top of my cash, i spent with two credit cards too. For some mystery reasons to my wonder now. *sigh*
Later, when i'm unsalaried, i found myself so fragile with some needs (and a little urge) to spend but with limited budget in my hand. I failed to manage for few first months. Then slowly i pick me up to the right track again. Alhamdulillah...

Now.
Im legally a proud owner of my old proton car. Paid the last payment last month.
Credit balance of that second credit card not worrying much. Gonna settle that one pretty soon. The first one was settled last year.
My study loan is quite bothering. I just learned that i could arrange repayment from my EPF account. That's better. Will get it done soon.
And, our apartment installment is being paid by our tenant. Plus its maintenance. That saves my headache.

Lesson.
We cant afford to buy everything we want, but we dun really need 'em for real.
We can dream about nice new car, but this old one doing just fine.
We dun have big fat account, but it seems enough to make us smile.

always on my mind

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't hold you
Quite as often as I could have

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely nites
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine

If I made you feel second best
I'm so sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me
Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied

"to my beloved mother...the queen of my heart"

i "bag" my pardon

women
and bag
just like..
men & girlfren..no?

we do carry our best bag around
we value them as best friend, sometimes
we trust them, we lug in all our valuables
and some whatnots most of time

people hovers around bag section during sales
women love them dearly
as much as we want to bag 'em all new release

but,
do we really need em?
just as much as we want them?

a little thing to ponder
to myself

somehow, i found myself a little more sensible now
since being homemaker i supposed
i put forward more sensible priorities above

i dun bag them Gucci, Prada, LV and such
yet i'm content
bcos i dun really need them

as much as i dun bag their clones
bcos i dun need the brands

i'm just okay with my old brown

breezy & hungry

it's kind weather now
tis morning was downpour, leaving cool air after
bright and breezy
alhamdulillah

somehow it makes me hungry
errm..not really bcos of tis weather
it's just i havent taken my lunch
now i'm contemplating about making CUCUR
should i?

since being "home alone" (my Jr. is not sharing my food, and not sharing his foods either)
i'm soooo malas to prepare food, especially lunch
and tapau food is not so tempting anymore

cucur bilis with sambal sardine
yummeh

or, cucur udang...plus small cut kangkung
aiseh

i gotta find something now

bisnes jaga anak

these few days i selalu terserempak dgn kawan2 lama
sesetengahnya customer2 lama masa ber bisnes dulu
alhamdulillah...mungkin berkat keikhlasan, anytime bila terserempak dengan diorang, masih bertegur sapa bertanya khabar
besar nikmat silaturrahim
sesetengahnya kawan kuliah dhuha
masa berkuliah tahun lepas, tapi dah lama tak pegi atas sebab2 tertentu
bila sambung balik bulan lepas, alhamdulillah jumpa lagi geng2 mokcik pencen ni
(mind you, i think i'm the youngest among us..ehehehe..saya warga pesara awal)

soalan lazim bila jumpa balik akak-akak dan mokcik-mokcik ni.
"buat bisnes apa sekarang?"
"err...bisnes jaga anak"
*senyum*

senyum ikhlas. tapi dalam hati selalu terfikir, semuga niat ku juga seikhlas senyum ku

sebenarnya, bukan senang ya...
nak jaga anak full-time
i donno lah orang lain kan, tapi bagi i kan, i rasa mencabar amat

selalu orang cakap,
"alah...anak sorang je senang.."
*gulp!*

itu mungkin bersesuaian untuk type anak2 yg tidak hyper

sebab...
ish..i tak nak la bagitau detail kan, karang macam membuka pekung di dada anak ku pulak

honestly, i rasa lebih senang kalau ada anak yg ramai
maksudnya lebih dari seorang, dan jarak umur yg agak dekat
sebab, they grow up together
gaduh2 tu biasa la kan
but anyhow, they will help each other
and they learn faster

tapi...itulah,rezeki bukan ditangan kita
semuanya datang dariNya

kadang-kadang, hati yg lemah ni terdetik juga
bukan mudah untuk bersabar, dan terus bersabar.
cuma kepadaNya kita berserah dan mengadu
semoga "bisnes" ini mendapat ganjaran di akhirat

of late

late
it's 12.55am, malaysia time..when i start hitting these keys
i cant rest my eyes

of late
i guess i'm not really so sure
what i really want for my life
more of myself

of late
i've been contemplating about working
sometimes tht classic idea knocking my head again
but
but
...and but
i have these many (few) reasons tht opposing, still

of late
i'm not so sure
what's my true passion?

gud (late) nite
and happy weekend

drowned

Disclaimer : Perhatian perhatian...ibu ibu bapak bapak...

sebenar benarnya, saya BUKAN tergolong di dalam kelompok peminat penyanyi ini

cuma...saya (agak) suka lagu ini. Tu jer...

Dan sejujurnya, saya lebih suka Usop Wilcha! Ahahahaha...

pelancong tempatan

last sunday we enjoyed our short trip to klcc.

haha..mcm big deal jek..

actually, this Mr of the house is not kaki-shopping

not at all

paling payah nak ajak dia masuk shopping complex

boring katanya

kalau setakat nak jenguk-jenguk, jalan-jalan, window shopping dipendekkan citer

confirm dia tak layan.

so normally our weekends quite boring

me & Jr. at home, while he the Mr. menebas ditengah padang di panas terik

tapi dia layan...

last sunday aritu dapat lah jugak cilok Mr. bawak ke klcc

rasanya last sekali kitorg pegi, was 2 months back

mmg kaki kampung lah we all

hehe

gambar ni i ambik 2 bulan lepas. cantik kan?

pusing-pusing kejap, i berkenan beli t-shirt untuk si Jr.

t-shirt twin tower, mcm tourist lah we all...

minah yg jaga booth tu siap tanya si Jr..where are you from? *errrk*

nampak sgt orang sini tak heran nak beli t-shirt souvenir, kan

pusing-pusing sikit lagi, Mr ajak masuk Isetan

mmg dia dah aim kat tempat tu je lah

dah tak pandang benda lain kalau masuk Isetan

dia dah melekat kat tempat golf

dgn si anak nya pun excited sama

kurang 10 minit pastu, dia datang

"i want to buy new set, can kah?"

adooii...tetiba

mana nak cekau RM lagi

"okay"..tu je yg i mampu jawab.

Tu lah lelaki

bila ajak jalan-jalan susahnya amat

tapi tetiba dia plak yg shopping sakan

hangus beriban

*note : i cuma kenyang lunch :(

t-shirt si pelancong kanak-kanak

cat & dog

petang tadi hujan lebat
syukur alhamdulillah
hujan tu kan rahmat
semoga hujan yg turun itu sebagai rahmatNya yg mencurah-curah
bila hujan lebat mcm tu, omputeh kata raining cats & dogs.

kebetulan.
nak citer pasal orang tu. Orang tuuuutt....haha
Katakan si A la kan.
Kisahnya, si A memang tak sukaaa sangat-sangat dgn orgB.
Apa2 yg berkaitan dgn B, mesti dia komplen.
Pernah dulu si isteri si A kemaruk tengok drama dari negara B
Rimas betul si A masa tu.volume suara drama pun terpaksa di perlahankan
Katanya orang2 tempat si B suka tiru keluaran negara si A.
Copycat mcm tu.
Dan katanya, si B pun mcm tu jugak.
Berdendam dengki kat si A.
Adalah sebab musababnya, tapi cerita tu dah lama berlalu.
Cuma kesannya masih berbekas, katanya.

Dijadikan cerita.
Si A dapat offer baru. Company ni sediakan beberapa kemudahan, termasuk kereta.
Alaah kereta pinjam, company yang bagi, ambik je la kan.
Tapi...rupa-rupanya kereta yg dibagi tu kereta buatan negara si B.
HAHAHAHA!
Kelat lah juga muka si A. Tapi, barang free punya fasal, terima lah jua.
HAHAHAHA!
Seronok arini si Isteri si A ejek-ejek kenakan dia.

Itu lah orang kata, kadang-kadang macamana pun kita tak suka,
kalau dah rezeki kita, terima lah saja.
mungkin ada hikmahnya...
cat & dog pun mungkin kadang2 berdamai juga.

lagu yang ditujukan khas untuk si A :)

ceciter

title kat atas tu mcm aura happy je kan, aura Usop Wilcha

tapi citer sebenarnya adalah sebaliknya...

petang tadi, masa dinner

oh btw, selalunya kami makan dinner awal

Mr K (the husband) balik keje pukul 6.30 ptg, selalunya mmg time tu lah

so saya The Isteri Mithali-Wannabe ni will try to make sure, by 6.30 makanan dinner dah tersedia

makan-makan then kemas-kemas, so by Maghrib semua dah settle

kononnya mcm tu lah rutin sepatutnya

okay, berbalik kpd tajuk asal

so masa dinner tadi, walaupun dinner yg sgt simple sahaja

berlaukkan sardin sambal, telur goreng dan sayur buncis goreng berudang

nampak si suami tetap berselera

tetiba, si suami membuka cerite

(ceciter..ceciter)

katanya...

today neh...

i read from internet

a story. about a kid in japan

about tsunami? (i mencelah)

yes yes...

so this kid, four years old...

a girl? (i mencelah lagi...)

yes yes...

her mother missing during tsunami

now she stay with her grandmother

and neh..today suddenly she draw her mother picture

(alamak..tetiba i rasa tekak dah tersekat)

and she said, "i want to be waves..."

"because i want to meet Mother"

(i dah tunduk...menahan perasaan...dan si suami juga tunduk diam)

(can we take her as our daughter? can we bring her here? i bersuara tetiba)

no no...she stays with her father also

and neh..

she said, "if i become waves, i can hug Mother"

(aiseh..sardin sambal tetiba jadi pahit rasanya)

and neh..her father teach her, now her mother stays in the sky

and show to her, the most big star, that's her Mother

and that kid say...

"so i want to be the small star...i can stay near Mother"

....

....

(i diam. Pilu)

....

....

then i turned to our Jr. who's savoring his plateful of nasi goreng

and i said

i think if we ask Ummar, he must say he wants to be RICE.

his utmost desire

*geleng-geleng*

bawal power

sape penah dengar nama mcm kat atas tu?
itu nama kedai kat kota dsara, menu nasi putih & ikan bawal yg digoreng panas-panas, dihidang dgn sambal belacan dan kuah
mmg best...tapi..kalau kita masak kat umah lagi powerrr kot
;)

anyway,
this entry is not dedicated to promote that kedai
let them doing good with their business
but i want to write about my current passion for TUDUNG BAWAL
yess..i'm back to my jaman rumaja memories

dulu-dulu.
when i was in teen ages,
and early twenties..this tudung bawal was very hot back then
almost all gadis-gadis sunti universiti pakai tudung style ni
with sulam-sulaman, it started with
then evolved into more choices...extra sulam la, dah nak macam pokok jadi nya kat kepala :)
then ada pulak style berbatu-bata, berkilau-kilauan
aargghh...i hate that most
faux okay..

kemudian,
when i started working phase, i chose to change my tudung style..chewwaahh..konon ya
no more tudung bawal..old skool lah katakan (mweekk)
then i invented my scarf collection
bertimbun-timbun, almost separuh almari baju yg kecik tu
floral scarf..cantik..but kecik lah
donned with my casual attire, jeans & shirt
maklum la..kerja kat site, sunburn sama bangla jugak

lepas tu pulak,
once dah married, few months later site project pun siap, and i was transferred into operation
keje dalam ofis balik, small office but at least more comfortable than site office
then..style awning hit the town
it was started with munawwarah..i must say they are pioneer in this tudung awning affair
so i was crazee about this munawwarah
almost every week i visited their boutique
satu-satu i angkut
mana yg design baru keluar, i pun nak
hoh hoh speaking of bad nafs
itu lah bahayanya bila ada duit sendiri
semua terdetik semua nak dibeli
soon later, banyak la pulak tudung manufacturer yg lain pun follow
i saw tudung awning everywhere
everywhere..and of cos they are much much cheaper
so i felt intimidated (boley?)
it's like no exclusiveness in the price i paid for munawwarah before
aiseh..so when tudung awning syle flooded the town (and the country actually), i put it down
plus, i found that it's not easy to maintain tht awning shape after few washes

then,
i lost my favourite style
i tried tis, that and few others
but it doesn't really suits me

until.
recently, i decided to go back into my old style
tudung bawal
so far it makes me feel better
and this week alone, i went to infamous Jalan Tar already twice
hunting for tudung bawal :)

let's see..
how long this re-connected love will last
;)

xoxo

gambar ihsan dari Google

notes

first of all...*lap2 sikit habuk2 kat blog ni*
nasib baik belum bersawang ya... he he

life has been doing normal, if it's not extra taxing at times
yet that is pretty normal too
running a private Ministry of Home Affair aint small job i telllll cha
the other day, on my wall at fb, a fren mentioned about being a housewife
about how she wished that she could retire her job for being at home fulltime
(guess what, i used to have that kinda escapism day dream most of time, especially when boss keeps bossing around or not-a-boss keeps bugging for nonsense)

i totally understand her feeling
i almost wanted to comment : yup! listen to ur heart! follow your dream
yet i wrote : be careful of what u wish...unless if u have a very good helper, a very handsome driver, and a wealthy generous husband. otherwise being a fulltime housewife is very tiring, but very very satisfying.

i really meant that.

of cos ones couldn't (or almost impossible) to live in her every dream, but we can make it somewhat closer.

i know a wife who is doing very well with her high-paid job, catching up planes for business trip, leaving behind her family for most of time, exhausting her waking hours for datelines.
i'm sure she's doing that for reasons, but maybe not fun.

i know another wife who dedicates her days and nites for her family. a big number of them. managing all without a helper tho i think she deserves one. but she carries it all from time to time.
i'm sure she's doing that for reasons, and maybe she finds some fun.

and i also know another wife, who i think she's not quite sure what she really wants. or maybe if she does, she seems not leading to the correct path.

i think, life offers some highways and junctions. it's never too late to change lane or u-turn, whenever if necessary.

somehow this entry reminds me of today's kuliah dhuha i attended. (i'm going to make a new label, of lecture notes for my future reference)

Dari Ibnu Umar radhiallahu 'anhuma, katanya : "Saya mendengar Rasulullah saw bersabda:
"Semua orang dari engkau sekalian itu adalah penggembala dan semuanya saja akan ditanya tentang penggembalaannya. Seorang imam-pemimpin-adalah penggembala dan akan ditanya tentang penggembalaannya. Seorang lelaki adalah penggembala dalam keluarganya dan akan ditanya tentang penggembalaannya, seorang isteri adalah penggembala di rumah suaminya dan akan ditanya tentang penggembalaannya. Seorang khadam/pekerja juga penggembala dalam harta tuannya dan akan ditanya tentang penggembalaannya. Maka semua orang dari engkau sekalian itu adalah penggembala dan akan ditanya tentang penggembalaannya" (Muttafaq 'alaih)

coti...

tak coti...

tis (past) week of "school break"
but we not observed so
Jr.' school open just as normal
so my routine went on just as normal
but with extra driving hours because we had therapy session wit Teacher Foo, plus one replacement session
penat la mak
(ish..tak baik mengeluh pasal duty utk family kan? Astaghfirullahal'aziim)

so tht past "school break" we stayed at home
no break and no holiday
mcm bosan pun ada

and everytime i mention/heard about "school"
jantung sure berdegup extra beat sikit
mana nak antar si teruna next year?
ge ge ge...

he's turnin seven next year yo!
and tis mommy havent decided abt his primary school yo!
public or private yo!
and above all, which school that suits his condition AND willing to accept enrollment at nearly last minute yo!

ke ke ke
tis mommy mmg kepala last minute sebenarnya
dari muda sampai ke kurang muda skrg
dari zaman uni, mmg muka last minute pulun study
heh

how now?


jom kita bermeditasi dulu.
#p.s : bestnya kalau pinggangku ramping mcm tu, jeles mak dara

ombak besar

finally i write something about the global hit news

i share and extend my concern to my Mr.
he seemed not much affected, emotionally
but deep inside her manly heart, i dont really know

March Eleven, Two Thousand Eleven
world nation were shocked by the earthquake, scaled up to 8.9 richter
and shortly followed by tsunami
the big wave
huge
up to 20 metres

subhanaallah
We seek refuge in You
The Almighty

we watched streaming news on NHK
from the day 1 till now
there were no other but updates about the disaster since then

heart wrenching

but
that reminds me
how small and weak
we people, us human

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un

(i will surely hit this link for my reference later)

jatuh cinta

(again)



errm...need i say more?

lost

after 28 days now
after we lost her
i still cannot write about her
about days before
about days later
about feelings
about hope
or about delusions
about dreams

i avoid her photos
bcos i have her clearer pictures, in my mind most of time

our last talk
our last moments
and even our past arguments

i think i just better not write anything of them
maybe not now
not here, and neither at my other network space

after 28 days now
i just realised
i lost my kilos
some three of them

i'm missing my mom
more than i ever imagined

ofis

terasa seperti di alam peng-ofis-an (sp?) semula
seolah hampir sempurna kelengkapannya

ada new phone, cordless lagi. terima kasih TM diatas sumbangan
(berserta pakej internet yg semakin mahal rupanya)
ada new printer, black beauty gitu.
(walaupun saya agak curiga, mungkin printer lama masih boleh diguna, kalau saya sedikit rajin menggodek-godek cartridge yg mungkin sangkut. tapi RM119 RM199 untuk canon brand new, saya relakan saja)
ada air freshener lama, yg masih boleh dipakai.
ada photo frame gambar anak kesayangan.

sudah hampir lengkap, dan selesa.
cuma tahap kerajinan yg perlu dipertingkatkan.

ganbatte!

bukan gambar sebenar

i tetap suka yg ni. my very own SOHO bilik CSI