hitam putih kehidupan

suka suka suka.

i heart my new layout. last nite about midnite, saje godek2 blog ni. 

i like changes, sometimes. good to refresh my mood.

here it is, my most minimal layout.

of hitam and putih. dan kelabu jgk.

our life is colorful, indeed.

black & white, also part of the colors.

have a good weekend uols...

salam

shy-shy

before i move to next entry about my most marvelous experience in Mecca, i just want to share some personal notes about myself. about my new discovery.

re-title : of me & black veil.

i am a normal muslim. i am no better than you.

i started to wear tudung  when i was in standard 5, because i was the only free-hair prefect and one day during a school ceremony the headmaster asked me quietly (while handing over my prize)

"dalina bila nak pakai tudung?"

*gulp*

later that same day i request a tudung from my mom. but only for school.

then i was just another normal 11 years old girl with tudung at school. only at school. on some hot days, i took off my tudung once i stepped out of school gate. panas katanya. somemore my childhood hair used to be very very thick. very lebat. black & thick. bila pakai tudung tu memang menduga kesabaran dan keimanan yang tak berapa ada masa tu :)

i stayed in kampung. tudung is very common attire for girls as early as possible.

so i just continued with tudung since then, particularly at school.

i entered a boarding school at form 2. rules at school taught me something somehow. then tudung became my extended attire apart of normal clothes. i did not bother so much about "berdosa kalau buka aurat" bcs it's more of school culture, the norm. so i was in the flow.

somehow, tho i didnt really made efforts to understand about hukum menutup aurat, never came across my mind to let it go even after my schooling phase. maybe i was just used to it.

i am still used to it.

and i used to think, niqab is a higher decree and only being practiced by a higher level of devotees. i could never picture me as one of them. i recount myself as far behind.

but i always respect them in niqab especially those who live here, or any other place which Islam not being practiced dominantly. to me, they are courageous pretty souls.

during my last visit to Haramain, so i decided to try it out. I wanted to experience how it feels as the watching eyes behind the veil. my sisters and brothers found it funny. as the youngest sister in the family i'm used to exceptionally do something new, at worst they wud just laugh it out. nothing serious.

so i did try. one morning in Medina, after breakfast...me & sisters head to bazaar for some farewell shopping. we were pretty early, while waiting for our favorite shop to open we roamed around. then we stopped at a shop where i found my first niqab. my sister thought i was making joke when i try it on me, yeaah we laughed but then i bought it. and i put it on immediately.

my first impression : mashaAllaah...it's calming.

then i occasionally wear it. like when we went to shopping, it made me most comfortable. okay i'm not a pretty face that people would stare admiring my beauty but still, without that pretty face i feel very comfortable walking around the mall and people could never judge what lies behind the veil. maybe now i understand the beautiful feeling of niqabis.

this niqab also very practical for walking around under scorching hot & dry day. I coughed less, this veil works as filter and protect from dust.

yours truly in her first niqab, for first time. hence the sengetness, very much amateur ;)

i posted this pic on my FB wall on tht afternoon before we moved to Mecca. one of my frens thought i am now berpurdah...hehe. no no not yet. i am still far behind. but tis is a practical wear for tht circumstance.

later in Mecca, i bought another piece. that first one is a 3-piece type, suggesting 3 layers of cover. light, medium or full. the second purchase is more simple & convenient. it's done with a stretchable string, i can just put it on whenever i want even while i am walking.

then i posed. and posed. and posed. me & my new discovery.

noted that before this, i never posted my picture at any public networks. i pemalu *eheh heh heh*

really, bcs i'm not comfortable. i segan. shy-shy katanya.

that pics of me in niqab made me feel better. i posted at my fb wall, i use them as my profile pics.

tho i am still pemalu. *snickers*

one might ask : why dun u wear it here?

answer : naah..blum dpt greenlight ;)

always on my mind

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't hold you
Quite as often as I could have

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely nites
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine

If I made you feel second best
I'm so sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me
Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied

"to my beloved mother...the queen of my heart"

bisnes jaga anak

these few days i selalu terserempak dgn kawan2 lama
sesetengahnya customer2 lama masa ber bisnes dulu
alhamdulillah...mungkin berkat keikhlasan, anytime bila terserempak dengan diorang, masih bertegur sapa bertanya khabar
besar nikmat silaturrahim
sesetengahnya kawan kuliah dhuha
masa berkuliah tahun lepas, tapi dah lama tak pegi atas sebab2 tertentu
bila sambung balik bulan lepas, alhamdulillah jumpa lagi geng2 mokcik pencen ni
(mind you, i think i'm the youngest among us..ehehehe..saya warga pesara awal)

soalan lazim bila jumpa balik akak-akak dan mokcik-mokcik ni.
"buat bisnes apa sekarang?"
"err...bisnes jaga anak"
*senyum*

senyum ikhlas. tapi dalam hati selalu terfikir, semuga niat ku juga seikhlas senyum ku

sebenarnya, bukan senang ya...
nak jaga anak full-time
i donno lah orang lain kan, tapi bagi i kan, i rasa mencabar amat

selalu orang cakap,
"alah...anak sorang je senang.."
*gulp!*

itu mungkin bersesuaian untuk type anak2 yg tidak hyper

sebab...
ish..i tak nak la bagitau detail kan, karang macam membuka pekung di dada anak ku pulak

honestly, i rasa lebih senang kalau ada anak yg ramai
maksudnya lebih dari seorang, dan jarak umur yg agak dekat
sebab, they grow up together
gaduh2 tu biasa la kan
but anyhow, they will help each other
and they learn faster

tapi...itulah,rezeki bukan ditangan kita
semuanya datang dariNya

kadang-kadang, hati yg lemah ni terdetik juga
bukan mudah untuk bersabar, dan terus bersabar.
cuma kepadaNya kita berserah dan mengadu
semoga "bisnes" ini mendapat ganjaran di akhirat

cat & dog

petang tadi hujan lebat
syukur alhamdulillah
hujan tu kan rahmat
semoga hujan yg turun itu sebagai rahmatNya yg mencurah-curah
bila hujan lebat mcm tu, omputeh kata raining cats & dogs.

kebetulan.
nak citer pasal orang tu. Orang tuuuutt....haha
Katakan si A la kan.
Kisahnya, si A memang tak sukaaa sangat-sangat dgn orgB.
Apa2 yg berkaitan dgn B, mesti dia komplen.
Pernah dulu si isteri si A kemaruk tengok drama dari negara B
Rimas betul si A masa tu.volume suara drama pun terpaksa di perlahankan
Katanya orang2 tempat si B suka tiru keluaran negara si A.
Copycat mcm tu.
Dan katanya, si B pun mcm tu jugak.
Berdendam dengki kat si A.
Adalah sebab musababnya, tapi cerita tu dah lama berlalu.
Cuma kesannya masih berbekas, katanya.

Dijadikan cerita.
Si A dapat offer baru. Company ni sediakan beberapa kemudahan, termasuk kereta.
Alaah kereta pinjam, company yang bagi, ambik je la kan.
Tapi...rupa-rupanya kereta yg dibagi tu kereta buatan negara si B.
HAHAHAHA!
Kelat lah juga muka si A. Tapi, barang free punya fasal, terima lah jua.
HAHAHAHA!
Seronok arini si Isteri si A ejek-ejek kenakan dia.

Itu lah orang kata, kadang-kadang macamana pun kita tak suka,
kalau dah rezeki kita, terima lah saja.
mungkin ada hikmahnya...
cat & dog pun mungkin kadang2 berdamai juga.

lagu yang ditujukan khas untuk si A :)

coti...

tak coti...

tis (past) week of "school break"
but we not observed so
Jr.' school open just as normal
so my routine went on just as normal
but with extra driving hours because we had therapy session wit Teacher Foo, plus one replacement session
penat la mak
(ish..tak baik mengeluh pasal duty utk family kan? Astaghfirullahal'aziim)

so tht past "school break" we stayed at home
no break and no holiday
mcm bosan pun ada

and everytime i mention/heard about "school"
jantung sure berdegup extra beat sikit
mana nak antar si teruna next year?
ge ge ge...

he's turnin seven next year yo!
and tis mommy havent decided abt his primary school yo!
public or private yo!
and above all, which school that suits his condition AND willing to accept enrollment at nearly last minute yo!

ke ke ke
tis mommy mmg kepala last minute sebenarnya
dari muda sampai ke kurang muda skrg
dari zaman uni, mmg muka last minute pulun study
heh

how now?


jom kita bermeditasi dulu.
#p.s : bestnya kalau pinggangku ramping mcm tu, jeles mak dara

recover

i'm feeling better
she has secured the best place in my heart, that will always be
our memories with Ma will never be forgotten
she's the best mother for us, ever

yesterday, 9th february
it's 16 years now since arwah Abah left us for his eternal destiny

May their souls be placed among the pious
and blessed by Him, The Most Gracious

ketentuan

im not in good state to write
im recovering

things seem had happened too fast
tho we had been dealing with the possibilities for quite long time ago

im recuperating
im adjusting
to accept the very truth

my mother is no longer here
not in the bed, nor at hospital
but she remains at her very best place in our hearts

innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un

4th February 2011, Friday

lone

i used to be a Lone Ranger
since i started my working phase
from the first company, until the last

i used to work at site
and being the only female engineer on command
worked under the sun, struggled with dust, and suspicious eyes of workers

i used to handle things by my own
cos i thought it's the way a grown-up must do
tho sometimes it broke some hearts went down wrongly

but lately something keeps worrying me
about being alone, in future
if this wealth of health is retrenched
wht am i gonna do

fall sick and alone is a nightmare
fall sick and single-parenting is worse
Lone Ranger is not superhuman, afterall

May Allah bless us with the best of health and imaan...till the end of time
Ameen

risau

about my mom

i have prepared, i guess. but now i am not
i pity her, i've tried all the best i could
and now, my best seems not enough
i dun want to regret
as i regret about my farewell with my dad
it's dredging

i'm collecting my best guts
to say the best i could offer
and to do the best i could

life is bitter
when we (almost) know that we are losing

:'(

while she's here

...i'm worry if i could not satisfy her needs

...i'm worry if i dun have much time to talk to her, she might feel bored

...i'm worry if i dun cook well (not to her liking), she won't eat

...i'm worry if i'm pretty busy in the morning, i could not bathe her, she might take it personal

...i'm worry if i dun agree with her thoughts, she might think i'm against her

...i'm worry if my maid not treat her well (while i'm away), she'll pissed off

...i'm worry if i keep myself busy with my own stuff, she might feel isolated

...i'm worry if i need to make frank explanations, she'll get annoyed

...i'm worry i'm not doing a good daughter.

my mom & Jr. ...some years back