Ramadhan moon

moon moon moon..Ramadhan moon...Ramadhan moon..
you know tht song?
Jr. tried to sing it and i think it was too cute. heh

it's 7th ramadhan today. but i havent started yet. huhu
*imagining my ganti puasa marathon later*

life is fine. if it's not super fine, but we are grateful indeed.

Tho.
Jr. been having cough (pretty bad) since a week ago.
but tis time around he allowed himself to drink cough syrup without any struggle.
that's good yeah.
but the horror part, he keep on insisting to drink em, every time he feels uncomfortable. risau plk.

Since Ramadhan, i reschedule his sessions to make ease for me, the driver the cook the etc.
i plan to discontinue his session at wq park (yeah they are good, but i still do prefer ms teo)
so opted to session at ms teo instead, once a week. i think that shud be okay. plus, he has another weekly session with teacher nurul at cads.
His tuition with Teacher Madeleine is getting better. I think he get used to that routine too.
And for mommy, i took sort-of-ABA session with Linda. We just started yesterday. She will coach me on how to organize my so-called home program *wink*

I hope we are doing fine, and better.

pastime

we had good times together...
and we are getting better, when we are together

pheww!

when things seem falling into right places
one by one
one after another

one supreme word best describes all
ALHAMDULILLAAH

# small little progress is a HUGE achievement for us. 

coloring, good pencil grip are one of those milestones #

huha

my lappy is taking a break.
not sure for what reason. probably its power connection.
blogging by tis pad is not satisfying. I want to type. Like, really typing.

Jr's therapy schedule has been finalised.
Im glad finally i could settle the affairs (searching, considering & assesment are pretty tiring) and now it's time to focus on the program.
Hello brand new week.
His program will include;
School session, morning to after Zuhur.
Occupational Therapy, 3 times a week.
Speech Therapy, 2 times a week.
Individual Education Program, 3 times a week.
Quran Class, once a week.
Music Therapy, fortnightly.
Horseriding, once a week.
Reading Class, once a week.

that should be enough for tis year.
We'll see how is it going.
I hope he will show some improvements so we can reduce some therapy hours next year.
Oh. And we will go for a dip at pool some time, at least once a week.
Our de-stress moments.

Last week i bought some new toys for our hometuition session. Teacher Mommy needs some teaching materials.

kosong

Kosong. 

That's exactly how i felt last two days when I could not find Jr anywhere, twice.  

First, at home. He was playing by himself downstairs, outside at "smoking area". 

From morning he took out his toys and drinks, as pretend play picnic. He looked excited. I asked him to get inside but he refused. 

It was around 1pm and i need to get myself clean up before zuhur. So i went upstairs. I tot it was just a very little while, but later i couldn't hear his voice. No him and no scooter at sight. I immediately drove off as im pretty sure he's heading to playground. I was right. I found him right at the center of the road, with his scooter, almost near playground. It was breezy afternoon, we are lucky that not many cars passed by and he escaped harm. Alhamdulillaah.

Later i took him to my sister house. I thought it's better to engage him into some playtime with his cousins, or just to kill his boredom. While on the way there, he slept. He must be tired. Once we reached, he refused to come out. He looked sleepy. So i left him in the car for a while and i went in. 

Very short while later i came out to check on him. He was there in the car, looked sleepy.

I went in again and asked my niece to get ready to go out for drink.

Very short while later i came out again to check on him.
But this time he was not there. My car door open.

He was not there. Not anywhere nearby. Not at playground, not around. 

Few mins passed. I felt numb inside. 

I pray to Allah to protect him. No one can harm him, except by HIS will. I pray to Allah to protect him.

Kosong. Numb.

Laailaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzolimiin.

Almost 15 mins passed, we haven't found him.

Then i asked guards at entrance. He's spotted at another guard post. Another entrance.

I rushed to the place. But couldn't find any sight of a boy in green shirt & green short pant. He was not there. The guard said he was there shortly before but he already ran away to opposite side. 

Means cross the main road? Tho it's within the housing area, but i considered it's main road with double lanes and traffic light. And it is such a busy road. I crossed to the other side. There is a park with a playground, a lake and jogging trek. I cant imagine i have to look for him at such big area and what if i cant find him anytime soon? Something bad may happen? 

Laailaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzolimiin.

As soon as i parked my car, i heard motorcyle honks. I turned to opposite road, there i saw a boy in green, on the motorcycle with a guard. The guard waved at us.

Alhamdulillaah syukur. Alhamdulilaah syukur.

Soon after i got him into my arms again, i felt i started to breath again. 

Gasping for air. Tired.

And GUILTY.

under progress

okay, now back to my real subject.

these past two weeks i was quite handful with re-adjusting, re-programming, re-scheduling of Jr's therapy program, occupational therapy (ot) and speech therapy (st).

why it is so important? because it's sort of fundamental of improvement. special need kids are struggling with multiple challenges. namely sensory issues, fine motor skill, gross motor skill, attention disorder, communication skill and social skill. these difficulties shud be rectified as early as possible and as much as possible.

Jr. diagnosed with ASD & ADHD at 4 yo, almost approaching 5. It was pretty late, comparatively.

But at that point of time, little did i know about this spectrum. I googled but it did not help much.

His first therapy was speech, as i concerned most was about his speech delay. after 2 months, she advised me to look for playgroup for Jr, preferably montessori approach. Just so i did, after few rejections then i found Noah's Ark Islamic Montessori in Shah Alam. He enrolled into special program with an OT overthere, 3 hours per session three times a week. Less than a year later, i decided to move him to Bunny Kids Club at TTDI, after having considered its location factor. Jr was doing pretty well with Teacher Claire. And he loves (and being loved) by them all. His speech improved amusingly. He copied from his peers and he developed interest in social skill. Alhamdulillaah. Then i forgot about speech therapy, but i sent him to Kidzgrow for occupational therapy, twice a week.

But now i realized, he still need to improve alot. At his age now approching 7, he shud at least overcome the issue of table task. He should be attentive enough to spend time for activities like writing and reading.

Which is he still lacking of, pretty much.

Last sunday we met Linda, an ABA therapist whom i get to know thru AM group. She's a nice lady. We had a good chitchat but unfortunately she's fully occupied at the moment so she cant find sessions for Ummar into her schedule. But she promised to try to work otherwise. She will try to make time to teach me, of what should i do to teach Jr at home by myself. Basics of ABA method which she found it  is the most convincing and proven method to reverse ASD. 

I like it! I cant hardly wait for appointments.

Last monday Mr. took a leave. After breakfast at KJ, we dropped by at WQ Park. Lucky enough, we managed to get an assessment session on that same day, later in the afternoon.

It was ot assessment. The OT therapist, Aziah is also a nice lady. She explained about sensory issues which she found that Jr. is still not recover most parts of them. True enough. He has vestibular problem, he scared of being off-ground, his has poor tactile, and hyper sensitive of smell.

I hope we can get appointment to see Dr Tunku Taayah, the therapy specialist as soon as she's back from holiday.

Today morning, he had OT session with Teacher Nurul at Cads. First session for this month.

Next, this Friday we'll be going for speech assessment at WQ Park. 

I hope things will be placed in good order very soon.

Meanwhile, we have Ms Madeleine for IEP (individual education program) three times a week.

ST with Mr Azmarul at Cads shall continue after this school break, once a week.

And Quran class at Fakih every sunday afternoon.

Hmm...i need to print out his schedule very soon. 

On the other hand. How about horse riding, swimming, music class & taekwondo? 

Ahh capek!

how true!

rainbow

yesterday Jr. had first session with Ms Madeleine, our new therapist. i got myself a good mental preparation as he did not get a good sleep nite earlier plus first time session normally he makes a bad appearance ;)

i left him soon as teacher pick him but it turned out pretty well. no tantrums reported. ;)

i had a small talk with teacher later after session. she highlighted some findings during the session.

One. Jr is struggling with colors. he seems not sure bout 'em. yes i did notice too. i have introduced him to colors as early as 1 year old i think but we are still on tht string :(

according to her, she experiences tis same issue with another student of hers. then she found some answer from Mr Google. it's something related to their inability to capture wave of colors :(

sorry my son. i tot u were just forgetful :(

Two. Jr tip-toeing on trampoline. what? i tot he just do it fine before. anyway. maybe i'm too careless. and he jumped at very low level. he's not confident, i told myself.

Three. Jr has an imaginary friend. WHAT? err..yes i know he always talk to himself. i tot it was just another trait of them. but after some brief explanation from her, i get a clearer message. there is something tht i should take a heed. *sigh*

but afterall, at least i'm quite relieved when she assured me that she thinks Jr has a good potential for his future. so let us not waste his opportunity. ganbatte!

life is a rainbow.

multi-multi-multi

"it's a bad news"

sometimes Jr. chanting tis phrase. i doubt if he really mean it.

yesterday we met a therapist. Ms Madeleine. I got her number from a friend, Ira. She got it from advert board at Giant KJ. She hasn't called herself, yet she passed me the number when i mentioned i am looking for a private tutor, kind of.

Ms Madeleine is a nice lady, at least she's nice to me but she sounds strict with Jr. 

(Good Sign #1)

She explained her kinda curriculum, that includes Behavioral modification, Language, Motor Skills, Fine Motor Skills, Reading, Self Help, Socialising...err i think that's all. but that's pretty complete i think.

I dun think she's doing ABA, as I myself not very clear about ABA anyway, she seems convincing that's good enough for me so i made appointment for Jr. 

I managed to get three sessions a week into her schedule. Phew!

Oh before that, the week earlier...i went to eip autism at kota damansara. i almost almost made up my mind to proceed with them despite their cost is very expensive (for me), but at last i decided not to.

They may offer super good programs, perhaps...but i need to be rational. Maybe we can afford to pay but what is my expectation? For sure i will raise up the scale and what if they (read : Jr) could not meet the target? Having considered so, it's better to go with a more practical choice rather than spending thousands every months but end up Im frustrated.

So i happened to meet Ms Madeleine.

Yesterday while we having discussion, she let Jr. play with some toys. oh btw, she has plentiful of teaching materials...yeah i like that. 

(Good Sign #2)

Then she noticed that Jr. arranged alphabets & numbers correctly..but some of them in reversed order. 

Gulp!

He hit my panic button again.

She asked me if i ever noticed this trend before..reluctantly i answered "y e s"

yes sometimes i noticed he did reversal numbers / alphabets but it's quite rare, as i recalled. and i kept assuring myself it was just some mistakes. but maybe it's time to face the truth.

She say that maaaaybe an exhibit of dyslexia, but worry not about it. (shouldn't i?)

some of these special kids have multiple challenges. (yeah i heard it right)

but it means we have another "lauk" into our plate now. :(

dear Son,

if you are reading this later in future, please please understand..i never regret about any single thing.

you are the best for me. tho maybe im not the best for you.

but i will try to make the best out of me.

i love you. i guess you know that already. yes i love you

let's working on it together, shall we? :)

project

i used to be so laidback. whenever i recall what have i done for my son since he was diagnosed with ASD, i think i could stop counting at single hand. 

i care for him thats for sure. but i was not resourceful, until i joined AM group at FB.

upon joining the group i learned so much from other parents. there is like a one stop centre to clear all your doubts, at least one person wud answer. ofcos it's good but some other times i cant help but feeling inadequate. i learned there are so much i should have done, yet i did not. and other parents are doing so great while i'm not. 

wake up call moment.

but it took me a long while to kick my f*t a** up.

then last week i started a project. study room. i used most recycled items. so i could save some pennies hopefully for his therapy.

kerusi student & bangku cikgu

Jr. loves the fish

I hope we will be doing better during this school break. 

No Teacher Claire tis time but Teacher Mommy is ready to rock in'...ada bran?

bawang putih bawang merah

Agak nostalgic gitu title post kali ni..

Sebab?

My big baby dah boleh naik buai..yes yes yessss!!!
OVER TAU!
anyway...YESS YESS YESSSS!! 

*insert dancing banana here*
heh :p

this morning at Cads..

opocot! lemme guess..i havent blog about him being moved to Cads Centre.

he started at Cads fulltime on last wednesday. so it is a week now

after a good deep thought, we both agreed to pull him out from that last school. it's very clear he's not happy there. and i dun see any good point to force him to stay. so last week i prepared a letter request for a 2 week holiday, to de-stress his emotions. i guess they have nothing to against it.

next week i shall go thru the formal procedure of school's resignation. *nyampah*

okay so back to Cads, so far.

first day was bad. i mean, it was a pretty disaster.

he kept clung on me, hold my hands tight, like never ever let me off.

he wanted to go in, but with the condition that mommy shall stay together, never ever to be apart.

that's clearly a baaad sign. he felt insecured. so there i waited for him thru the session but outside.

second day, i left. i heard he cried at top of his lung, but i just drove off. *devil here*

later when i picked up in the afternoon, he looked all soooo fine. after solat zuhur masyaAllaah he looked so calm. mommy happy happy happy. syukur.

third day, morning drama continued. but again i left soon after reciting quran session.

he's adjusting pretty fine.

this week he seems even better. yesterday he started to try new food, that was NASI KERABU! 

*dropped jaw* 

and today he did allow in some rice with KURMA DAGING! can you believe that??

oh my!

and tis morning he enjoyed swing like a pro! (err..ok a bit exaggeration here)

but to me, that is AWESOME! he overcome his fear! that's great, isnt it?

I am so happy. syukur. 

so i cooked a good dinner, tho simple but thats my very own heartfelt meals. and then i ironed basketful of clothes.
sweaty and smelly. yet, now i'm still feeling good.

Alhamdulillaah..thank you Ya Rabb

for every single thing.

for every thing bestowed upon me.

for good time and for bad time.

they are all precious lessons.

honestly

i am a freaky mom
i am not that cool
tho i tried to bury my worries
but sometimes, or at times
i almost can hear my heartbeats
almost like drumming

i just want the best for him
(or perhaps out of him?)


Happy (belated) Mother's Day to myself
shall i grace my imperfections, i always will

thank you for being my baby

of anger and temper

last friday we had meeting at school. with principal, pk & discipline teacher.

i prayed hard for a smooth, professional discussion. alhamdulillaah it went well.

i didnt expect to win the case, but i just want them to admit their and apologized.

and they did.

but.

after all..today, i'm still hardly recuperating

everytime Jr throws temper tantrum, i get myself into temper fit as well. and that it soo not right.

today at Fakih class, Ummar behaved totally different. he was not cooperating, tantrums and unhappy.

i throw all the blames to the stu**d teachers!

and i found myself guilty too.

aaarrggh!

pic taken a day before the "tragedy"

short stories

finally i decided to write again. lots of things happened. but i just straighten up my mind and put things in correct orders, not in writing, just yet. sometimes i think i have very little time to spare, but i reminded myself i am far from that title "a busy person". i am just an ordinary housewife, taking care of my small family.

list of happenings

* first of Feb - Jr. entered PPKI Sek Keb Damansara Jaya (1) 

   he's adjusting, still. i have good, bad, and gory story about tis but as i said im not good at putting it in orders.

* then Jr started horse riding lesson, at DARC. 

* Jr. was dismissed from school activities, twice then i made my points straight to the PK. Then i found some improvement, alhamdulillaah...

* March - Jr started speech therapy at Klinik Audiologi & Pertuturan UKM KL.

* mid of April, he started swimming therapy at Pusat Akuatik Shah Alam, under ppki arrangement. Mommy was invited to be his teacher aide. 

* mid of April, he started OT & ST at Cads Centre

* end of April, he joined school camping activity. Again, Mommy was invited as teacher aide but we didnt spend overnight at school. We joined partially.

* today - i found him BOTAK! done by school teacher. 

   shocked, sad, and devastated. 

   

little feet

your little feet, on the day you arrived in my arms

new new new

it's all about new year. new beginning. new thing!

Mommy has all set for new spirit! until...

4th January --> Ummar started first day at new school, Grenview Islamic School, USJ.
We reached there pretty early. Mommy was a chirpy early bird for that day...high spirited to fly off
You were pretty happy too..until...
i left the school around 10am, after i made sure you were in good hands..but it didnt last so long.
soon after i reached home, i received a SOS call from teacher, asked me to return to school as best as i can.
my stomach rumbled. such an upset feeling.
after a good talk with principal...i get the picture somehow..
then all i could do, was..gathering my pieces of guts (if i have any) and move on

# btw, there were unpleasant scenes happened here, but i'd rather keep it to myself.
anyway anyhow...you are always my sunshine.

5th Janury--> Mommy received a phone call from the school principal, while we were heading to school thru morning traffic jam at USJ.
She informed me their decision, to dismiss your enrollment.
(that fast! they are super efficient nowadays)

Period.

Mommy made a U-turn...off we were.
with no guilt.
neither joy.
but a little numbness.

Life is not about the same old path.
Great history made by the challenger.

While i'm typing this, i have these few plans in my mind.
Lets see...later

I am sorry

i re-shared tis clip at FB wall, from Makmal Pembelajaran Autisma UKM

i watched, again and again. i like it.

it's another eye-opening for me. though i'm dealing with one everyday, but tis is so nice to learn.

I'm so sorry dear, sometimes mommy just ignorant.
But I love u so much, much more than u can ever imagine.

kasih sayang

if you have an autistic child
how do you treat and teach him/her ?
do you treat and teach him/her as a normal child, or as a special one with special needs?

if you have an autistic child
how do you dream of his/her future?
will we have rainbows, day after day?
or do you (strive to see) a silver line behind the dark clouds

i love my son, nevertheless.
but sometimes
i'm just so torn
hurting myself
whenever i see me
failed to make him happy


Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan
(maybe it's a little too late)
Selamat Menjalani Ibadah

semoga kita sentiasa didalam redhaNya
di dalam kasih sayang Nya
Ameen

adjustment

mind you, i have more stories of my last Umrah, of Mecca in particular.
but i'll do it later. they are nice stories tho, but this little post will come out first.

okay.
we've done with our super low budget anniversary celebration
but it's not budget or prezzie that counts
we (me) have came across another learning curve afterall
love is not just about special date
love is much of unspoken "celebration"
but hey, of cos some little pleasant surprises do no harm *wink*

now back to our reality
our current strategy (waaah)

while me, The Desperate Mother is still in the big dark cloud about Jr. situation
i decided to snap an immediate countermeasure
NO TV for Jr.
at least, not on weekdays
plus, oh did i mentione i have terminate disney's package?
yes tht might helps
and by doing so, it also affected Mommy & Daddy
which is good, in fact it's very good.

one, while we substitute TV hours, we have more time for us
or individually us
Jr. is hardly adjusting with Mommy's new role, ie HomeTeacher plus "Mak Tiri"
i must say i am a bad teacher actually
i have very little patience when teaching him writing, now he's still struggling to hold pencil firmly
but i have lotsa lotsa love to share, tht's my biggest weakness

two, we (me) adopting my old love again, books
i missed reading books
i blame it on my unorganized routines, plus other distractions, tht is FB to name one
but tis week alone, i got for myself 3 new books. 1 fiction and 2 islamic knowledge.
plus today another 2 books for kuliah dhuha
so that makes 5. yayye!
and some activity books for Jr. (he really really needs to improve, O' Allaah please make it easy for him and me), plus 2 short stories book.

i hope tis new adjustment will make better for us.
oh btw, i'm still looking for school.
adooi.

rejection

mode : dealing with another rejection.

tis morning we went to IMAS for appointment.
we supposed to meet tomorrow, friday but Mr is not working today so i decided to change date.
met the principal, then the counselor.

outcome.
not as good as i expected.
the principal half-agree to accept but under a special program, something like "business" or "vip" or such dunno lah because normal admission for next term school calendar has been closed. i'm not really bother.
then he referred us to counselor and english teacher.

that counselor is a nice lady. she seems understand our situation and Jr. condition. i supposed she's been through some cases like this. after that short discussion, she advised that school is not suitable for Jr.
.
.
.
but she offered to suggest other school that might doing good for him.
.
.
.
now i'm still waiting for her email.


maybe, it's time for me to change.
to change my expectation.

rasa nak terbang balik kesini, alone in the crowd

gugel

i have a post drafted in my mind as to follow my last entry, but i just learned something pretty interesting that caught my mind today.

i found a site, a blog about a mother who managed to teach her two kids memorize 30 surahs of Quran as early as 3 years old. Amazing!
Then i found her other link here.

now a little backward.
i was doing one of my favorite pastime, ie Gooogling.
i searched info about IMAS, a school i heard from a kuliah buddy tis morning. She mentioned about her son's school which she's pretty satisfied with.
i found IMAS website, International Modern Arabic School. I called them up for appointment. Fortunately i spoke to the principal, we shall meet up tis Friday.

And i also found tht mentioned blog . Cos she had mentioned about sending her two kids to that same school.

I hope tis appointment will be fruitful, i want to hear the good news.
I hope my project to introduce Quran to Jr, as inspired from that blog will start soon.
I hope Allaah will make easy for me & my family.
Ameen...